Create Your Dream Sanctuary Blog

Secrets To A Boudoir

by Victoria Millar-Wise

I believe that to be true to ‘who’ you really are you must first find the deep expansive love that lives within your own heart. An honest and open love where you can express unbridled passion for yourself, your loved ones and our beautiful planet. 

My own personal journey and beautiful openings are what inspire me to write this article. For I have come to understand that my soul purpose is to live in every moment possible being 100% honest and authentic in embracing, feeling and radiating deep heart expanding love.  This must first happen within the depths of your whole being.  Only when you have embraced this endearing energy yourself can you begin to radiate true heart expression to others. 

So on this journey as I lead you to a place where you can begin to create a boudoir that is uniquely yours, one of the biggest keys we explore is which essential elements arouse and sustain a love filled life.  These are the secrets that nurture and support you totally, as the gorgeous woman you truly are.

Your boudoir is a space where important decisions, expression of emotion and spiritual growth can occur in safety. I want you to know that at all times you have a place also that you can retreat within, within your heart where you are encouraged and held, in instances of triumph and moments of vulnerability. I want you to feel the great depths of love and radiation of gratitude for your blessed life. I want you to glow because you have allowed yourself to make your boudoir the one place on earth that truly is a reflection of who you uniquely are. Ultimately love conquers all and home is where your heart is......

What is a Boudoir?

In the romanticism or eras gone by, a boudoir typically was the space every self respecting lady had. It was her private room of alluring intrigue, either a bedroom, sitting room, dressing room or bathing room. Maybe a combination of all those rooms. The boudoir was where she aroused curiosity and entertained intimate friends and lovers. This seductive and sensual room often had locked doors and was filled stylishly with opulent furniture.  A boudoir was a woman's confidential space which other people could only enter by invitation.

The word Boudoir comes from the French verb bouder, which means "to pout" or to "to sulk". Thus, a woman who was feeling sulky or indisposed could retire to her boudoir or "sulking room" until she felt in a better disposition. It was also a place where she retreated to and nurtured herself as some boudoirs were also fitted out with elegant bathing vessels and opulent chandeliers, mirrors and sensuous furs. The traditional decor style of a boudoir was tended to focus on Renaissance and French inspired bedroom styles. In recent times it has also been used to describe the 'country cottage' style with whitewashed-style walls, large and heavy bed furniture, and deep bedding.

In our current times though a boudoir can be exquisitely eclectic or seamlessly simplistic. It should be a place that reflects who you intimately are , a place the allows your inner and outer essence to shine. It is a space that you can express your own unique style and also allow the dark and light sides of your spirit a voice. In this room you have complete creative license  play - from contemporary to antique, asian resort inspired to country cottage, be inspired to be eclectic. The hot tip here is to always add the that element of pure glamour!

In my book Create Your Dream Sanctuary there is a whole chapter on being eclectic in your style if you want to explore further simply go to click                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Why have a boudoir?

Having a boudoir adds glamour and harmony to your life. It soothes your soul  on a spiritual level and reconnects you with your true inner radiance. I see it as an essential and valuable necessity for every woman to create a boudoir to nourish and reassure their luscious feminine essence. It gives you the private space to do all those less than glamorous things that you rather keep secret. After all, does your lover want to see his woman having a full wax treatment contorting to reach the unreachable spots? Does he want to wake up next to a woman with a cracking horror movie effect face mask? Dying her hair or doing your toenails is not really the image that supports your gorgeous feminine essence and beauty! And honestly, you really do want a place to go and dance like crazy, chant or simply spin in circles for the fun of it. So just as the modern masculine man needs his cave in which to retreat and do ‘mans business’, a woman requires the space to truly at one and totally free to be themselves. 

Another benefit of having a boudoir is that you can initiate the perfect alluringly romantic evening when you want to add magnetism and mysticism to your sexual animation to enhance the dance in soul connection with your lover. Sometimes it is not easy for couples to go out have an evening away in a hotel and have hot spontaneous moments with each other.  Nor is it always easy or practical to slip off for a weekend away from domestic responsibilities. Having a boudoir ensures that you can always create a sense of mystery and anticipation by summonsing your other half, by invitation, to your private sanctuary. 

This succulently, opulent and sensually decorated room, tent or caravan can be used for dancing, reading and pampering beauty treatments. It should also be a safe and cosy sanctuary for meditating, quietly collecting your thoughts or journalling your innermost dreams and desires. Your boudoir is a room to in which to glow in your full luminescent beauty. It is the room for arousing the curiosity of lovers and intimate friends. But remember, only by invitation of course! Ohhh la la......

How to create a Boudoir

You don't have to spend loads of money or install kitschy kinky objects to create a sensual and intimate boudoir. You can create your sultry and mysterious private room to enjoy yourself or your intimate friends and lovers in by simply using some key components. Searching out objects you love from Op shops and garage sales can also be fun and gives you more of a budget to have custom design pieces purposefully made.

To create your ultimate glamorous boudoir start with a neutral room with white or antique white walls. Choose your main colour theme be it red, hot pink, purple, emerald green or turquoise - ensure it is a colour that makes feel like a sultry, passionate and deeply femininely aroused. The you can begin to add your accessories to juice up the sensuality and allure through your bedding, and curtains. I adore scented candles, subdued crystal lighting to reflect a myriad or rainbows, lush french faux furs, feathered boas and an absolutely stunning venetian glass mirror hung above an alter type dressing table.  Then adorn the top of the dressing table with your favourite essential oils, hand collected crystals, poetry books and other special trinkets.

Remember, this is your sacred space. It is the one place that you can be at peace with your own inner intuition and most intimate thoughts. This should be a room where you can relax.  Remember this is your private room, where other members of the family will only be allowed by invitation. This is your fantasy room. It is the room to get in touch again with your feminine side.

By putting your heartfelt energy into this room you will have a real love for the space. Those who are bestowed your generous invitation will also love it too, especially if they truly love you. And if they don’t love your room - it does not matter, simply love them for being them. So let’s get started!

The hottest tips ever

1. The Golden Keys

Most important, put a lock on the door. The last thing you want is children or unwanted guests bursting in when you are having a bubble bath in a candle lit room or quiet reflection time. Or for the ambience to be shattered by an over enthusiastic lover bounding in before you are fully prepared.

2. Peek A Boo

Whether your boudoir is a room or a corner you need to add the peek-a-boo element of intrigue and mystery. Standing screens are brilliant for this and can either be bi-fold or tri-fold depending on your space. From a simple oriental screen to an ornate venetian glass screen or a customised fabric paneled screen, dressing and undressing can become the ultimate art of entertaining amusement and fun. A strategically placed lamp behind your screen so your husband or lover can see your silhouette always adds curiosity and becomes exceptionally fascinating when teamed with the essentials of - stylish lingerie, sheer drapes of glamorous fabric, mood enhancing music and the movement of you, of course.

3. A Chair to Peer 

You'll need a luxuriously relaxed place to sit and flirt. A couple of succulent cushioned chairs and a small round table would also be delicious. You may even want to place a chaise in your boudoir. This could be an eclectic  piece of furniture covered in soft silk velvet fabric where you can stretch out or snuggle up. Having different chairs in varying heights allows you to be creative in your dance with your lover. This is your room for pleasure and opportunity to embrace in it’s fullness romantic possibilities. That means lots of great places to cuddle, smooch, snuggle and dance. Or just enjoy each others company laying on a soft rich floor rug with cushions, chocolate, fruit and a glass of the finest champagne.

4. Clear of Clutter

Your boudoir is about quality not quantity. It is about mysticism and intrigue. It is not the place to bring your household or work responsibilities.  

Be creative and look for furniture or custom design pieces with fold-away compartments. Think of concealed cupboards or drawers in bed heads or behind walls of fabric. Remember you are the shining star of this room. 

Your boudoir should stay uncluttered in furniture as well. Visualise about what you really need; perhaps a large sofa or a bed, a make up or alter table, maybe an arm chair where you can sit to read a book and enjoy a cup of tea or glass of wine. Everything else is clutter! TV sets, videos and CD players should be avoided but if you insist, conceal them in furniture. This is a room to be in touch with your inner self, not a place to watch films or play on your computer. 

5. Mirror Mirror 

We are talking elegance, style and glamour so you can forget the seventies porn mirror images that may have jumped into your mind. A few well placed mirrors create flashes of illusion and glimpses of sultry reflection especially with candles burning in the background. A hot tip is to make sure the mirror frames match your screen and other furniture. Place your mirrors at a height where they impact the effect of capturing your whole body. You want to be able to see into them while you’re sitting or standing on your tippy toes.If you have limited space them mirrored furniture can give you the same effect.

6. Shine The Light

Every boudoir should have purposely selected lighting to flatter and enhance the feminine silhouette. Lightning essential in magnifying the mood and removing inhibitions. Wall sconces and lamps invite intimacy and ambience. Candles are an arousing way to light up your space. Cluster them in various sizes or place them strategically to lead your attention to a certain area. A strategically placed dimmer switch can instantly change the room's mood from bright excitement to smooth and sensual when you feel like inviting your lover to your boudoir. Or to jazz things up you could have wild moments with strobe lights, smoke machines and a mirror ball for a bit of ‘Burlesque’. 

7. Pleasurable Extras

Adorn your boudoir with soft feather cushions, sensual shaped vases overflowing with fresh flowers and objects which delight you. Textures heighten the senses and add an alluring and ravishing element by using  varying piles and grades of floor rugs. Add exotic feeling throw rugs like chenille, velvet, silks and faux fur. Include elements of nature like a subtle water fountain, live plants, shell collections in your bathing area or use gorgeous organic and natural skin products that make your skin silky and divine.

Be eclectic and express passionate allure through wall hangings and pictures that invoke sensual feelings, but don’t go overtly sexual. Your boudoir is about the celebration of feminine essence and kitschy tasteless pornography - is just not acceptable! Contemplate elegant sheer bed drapes, encompass background music from soft and soul invoking to deep and moving as dance and rhythm is all part of the adventure. You could even get some gorgeous scented room spray that invokes a sensual feeling. Let your imagination run wild and create an alluring boudoir. You'll love it!

8. Awaken your senses

touch, sound, smell, sight and taste

Now lets explore the mood of your boudoir in further detail. Remember the boudoir is to awaken your sensuality and celebrate your true feminine essence, not be some cheesy secretive place you go to feel like a naughty girl. This is a grown up sophisticated women's expression of herself through self love.

I believe in creating a place that awakens all your senses to make you more receptive and open with yourself and your loved ones. To be able to communicate on every level from a place of pure love. Are you aware of what arouses your senses. According to the Love Languages, we all have differing values from words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. To be able to create a boudoir that reflects your highest values be sure to do some research on your highest value love languages. Find out also the language of your invited guests or lovers so you are all able to embrace the experiences fully on spiritual, physical and emotional levels of sanctuary. 

The sense of touch: Sensations influence our feelings of comfort and security. The materials that we use affect unconscious and conscious awareness profoundly. So be sure to use fabrics that feel soft and luxurious: a bed with real silk or soft 100% organic cotton sheets, a velvety throw or a long haired wool carpet are inviting to the touch and have a soothing effect.

Being such a passionate lover of touch, I understand intimately that touch It is such a vital sense linking you to your desire to be connected with another person. After all you must admit, nothing is more magical and reassuring as feeling skin on skin.  

The sense of smell:Smell is a potent wizard that transports us across thousands of miles and all the years we have lived. The odors of fruits and flowers waft instantaneous and fleeting, causing your heart to dilate joyously. Scented candles, incense and natural flowers all add a subtle scent and in your boudoir you can rediscover the health benefits of aromatic oils.

The sense of sound: Pleasant sounds can be soothing and refreshing. The sound of bubbling water is very relaxing. There are also some gorgeous inexpensive interior water features available that are slimline and all you need is electricity close by.

The sense of taste: To a sensual woman or man taste should be experienced as a pleasure. In your boudoir I encourage you to combine your tasty morsels to create different sensations and experiences in temperature, feeling in the mouth, consistency and flavour. There are many delicious  foods including rich dark chocolates to soft caramel centred chocolates or luscious fruits and zesty vegetables. The sensation of bubbles form french champagne or the dark smoldering richness of a fine merlot. It is time to   ring your buds alive!                                          

The sense of sight: You must add colour to you boudoir. Colour is vibration and we each respond to it on many levels, consciously or unconsciously. The colour you choose will influence your mood. Colour to add depth to your room, or add movement and create mystic illusions. Choose a theme colour, that suits your personality. I personally love deep rich reds and rich turquoise accents for my boudoir. White is my favoured base colour especially of you incorporate a luxurious deep bath and whitewashed furniture. I find red stimulating, warming and inviting passionate sensuality. You might prefer deep fuchsia or emerald green which is tranquil and revitalising. If you keep your base colour neutral you can add accent colours according to how you feel or to flow with the seasons.  

“Right now, and in every now-moment, you are either closing or opening. You are either stressfully waiting for something - more money, security, affection - or you are living from your deep heart, opening as the entire moment, and giving what you most deeply desire to give, without waiting.” David Deida

Life is too short to be living unfulfilled or feeling unloved. Your life shall be instantly richer when you take take the initiative and create a nurturing space for yourself.  So gorgeous woman, I urge you to always stay true to yourself and take time everyday to appreciate with gratitude everything and everyone around you. Love deeply with all your heart in every moment!

Victoria Millar-Wise mdia  

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